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Jess Bak Xiao Tianā™„.
Ex-westwoodian, Currently in Sp optometry
24 april's my BIG day
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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Back to blogging after 1 month of absence.. Currently in the middle of pre-exam peroid. In the past, i guess i would have been studying pretty hard so that i can continue on through to the next semester. But this time the motivation just isnt there. It remains the fact that regardless how well i score, or how well i did in my exams, it doesn't reflect on my future. Thats how it is for my course, or at least this is how i think it is. Looking around me, there are many instances of seeing parents stacking up remedials, tuition and extra lessons for their child. Sometimes i wonder if its really neccessary. For a child, this is the only period in their life that they can live with an innocent mindset, and play to their hearts content. After entering adulthood, with all the responsibilities stacked on their shoulders, shouldnt they at least have a carefree childhood to look back on? I am thankful that my parents didnt push me into any of such "training". 

After the exams, it will be just simply me waiting for graduation and entering adult life. This me who has been pampered by my family, i wonder if i can really make it. The future is pretty scary, full of uncertainties that sometimes i just hope that i can fast forward time and see how i am doing in the future. But of course, that would defeat the purpose of life. Whats the point of life if we dont enjoy the moment we are in right now? "Now" is a very important word, as this "now" will not come by again. Hence the only thing i can do right now is to enjoy the last few moments of my life as a student, and patiently wait for the arrival of adulthood, taking on more responsibilities for myself, as well as for my family.

Even after 5 years of studying in optometry, i still find myself asking if this is what i really want in my life. The truth is, i am a coward. I am afraid of venturing into things that i am unsure of, always thinking way ahead and coming out with thousands of reasons why i should keep my feet firmly rooted to the ground, not taking a single step forward. There are many things that i really wanted to accomplish, but have always left them undone. My sister once told me that maybe someday when i really find what i want to do in life, i will ignore all the voices in my head telling me that its impossible, and go ahead and make it happen. I wonder if that day will ever come by. Right now i feel like i am a floating in an ocean, going wherever the waves can take me to. Once graduation, with no doubt i will try to find a job that i want, which is working in an eye clinic. That all i can come up with now. I have no idea what lies in the future, although i hope that my life wont be as stagnant. Maybe one day i will find what i want in life, and work towards it. But as of now, i guess i can only do what i can do, which is to go one step at a time.